Blog
The power of hope
Published by Jenny Christie 5 January 2022
As the new year begins, thoughts turn to the future and what it might bring. My last blog post was about depression, but now it seems like a good time to focus on hope.
One definition for the underlying cause of depression is the belief that your actions will be futile. Hope is the opposite; it is a very powerful motivator grounded in belief in a brighter future. Hope sustains us through hard times and pushes us to take steps to create a better tomorrow.
The following article outlines the power of hope:
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/hope-why-it-matters-202107162547
Wishing you all hope and happiness for the coming year (and beyond).
Connection alleviates the darkness
Published by Jenny Christie 27 December 2021
Everyone feels down sometimes, but those for suffering depression, the darkness feels inescapable, a bleak and exhausting pattern of negative thoughts and expectations. Depression is often triggered by difficult experiences such as trauma, bereavement, bullying, loneliness or buried anger.
In his book “Lost Connections”, journalist Johann Hari (see him talk about it on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MB5IX-np5f) argues that fundamentally depression is caused by a disconnection from other people or from the things that give us self-respect or meaning in our life. He found examples from around the world of depression being successfully treated with “social prescriptions” that focus on supporting the person to reconnect with others around them, have meaningful work, meaningful values, and deal with trauma from the past.
Here’s an article that looks at alleviating the darkness by reconnecting with yourself:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/making-change/202109/unhappy-how-emerge-your-darkness
The friendships that support us most might not be what you expect
Published by Jenny Christie 7 December 2021
Humans are social animals and, at some level, we all have a deep need to belong, to be part of a larger group. A sense of isolation (as distinct from solitude which is positive) makes it hard to thrive, and can underlie issues such as depression, anxiety or addiction.
This article summarises some research on the impact that different types of friendship have on happiness:
Am I living in a way which is deeply satisfying to me, and which truly expresses me?
Published by Jenny Christie 28 November 2021
The question above is from the well-known 20th century psychotherapist, Carl Rogers. We each have a persona or outer self that we present to the world, but we also have an inner self (or actual self) that is linked into our values, strengths and interests. When the two are reasonably aligned we are able to live a life that is authentic, genuine and satisfying.
But often we believe that being loved and valued is conditional on meeting other people’s expectations. Sometimes the real self is almost abandoned while we focus on being the person we think others require us to be. Losing touch with our own feelings and values can result in a sense of being hollow or discontented, lacking in fulfilment or satisfaction.
Here’s a great article on how to get to know and honour your real self:
https://www.healthline.com/health/sense-of-self
The long shadow of emotional neglect in childhood
Published by Jenny Christie 31 October 2021
When we think of childhood trauma, we tend to think of events such as accidents, bullying, loss of a parent or physical abuse. Another form of childhood trauma is the emotional neglect caused by a parent or caregiver who responds to their child’s needs for attention, affection or support by becoming angry or critical, or by walking away. In his article Emotional Neglect and Complex PTSD, psychotherapist Pete Walker refers to the debilitating consequences of a childhood rife with emotional neglect as the core wound in complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD), describing it as “the great emptiness that springs from the dearth of parental loving interest and engagement … the harrowing experience of being small and powerless while growing up in a world where there is no-one who’s got your back.” As he says, “emotional neglect makes children feel worthless, unlovable and excruciatingly empty … starving for human warmth and comfort - a hunger that often morphs over time into an insatiable appetite for substances and/or addictive processes”.
A child may suffer emotional neglect in a variety of situations, including parents who themselves suffer from mental illness, are addicts or are too focussed on their own lives to fully engage with their child. As one example, the article below examines the effect of growing up with a narcissistic mother.
Emotional neglect causes children to abandon themselves and to give up on developing an independent resilient self. However, the brain is amazingly adaptable, and we can change our thinking processes and emotional responses. For people who suffered emotional neglect in childhood, recognising the underlying issue is often a significant first step towards healing. A range of therapy options (including hypnotherapy) are available to help.
The problem with perfection
Published by Jenny Christie 10 October 2021
Recently I came across this article about perfectionism and what it means for our well-being. We all know people who seem to have their lives together, people who seem to glide effortlessly along, popular, admired, successful. And certainly, there are some people for whom that is their authentic self. But this article reminded me that for many others, that outward perfection comes at a cost. When we watch a swan gliding serenely across a lake, we do not see its feet busily paddling in the dark murky water below. Similarly, outward perfection may be the result of a desperate effort - conscious or unconscious - to hide from the darkness of inner pain or emptiness. If the façade cracks, the pain behind it will no longer be hidden and that can be traumatic.
Appreciate your ability to accept your imperfections.
https://uplift.love/finding-the-perfection-in-imperfection/
Perfectionism is hard work and can be crippling. The message is about authenticity, knowing and valuing who you are.
